The Hick and the Lawyer
|A very well-dressed, bigshot city lawyer and a dirty redneck in overalls got into a car wreck on a hot summer day. The door of the BMW opened and the redneck saw a polished tasseled black shoe step out on to the dusty road. The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault... |
"YOU STUPID HICK!" shouted the lawyer, looking with contempt at the redneck in his dirty overalls. "I'm going to take you for everything you've got!!"
"Hick, huh?" thought the redneck.
After looking over the impeccably dressed, handsome and dignified city lawyer in his $3,000 navy blue pinstriped suit, carefully knotted red silk tie with matching pocket handkerchief, starched white shirt, silver cufflinks and black dress shoes polished like mirrors, $1,000 briefcase and hundred dollar haircut, the redneck walked back to his car, got out a bottle, and brought it back. The lawyer was checking his shoes and his suit to make sure they were clean.
He handed it to the lawyer, and said, "Here, buddy, you look pretty shook up. I think you ought to take a nip of this. It'll steady your nerves....IT'S HOMEMADE..."
Mister Pinstripes did, but was so angry about the wreck, he refused to speak. The redneck then said, "You still look a little bit pale. How about another?" And the smug, pompous lawyer took another swallow. After a few minutes, he began to feel the heat of the sun hrough his wool suit - and the white lightnin.
Then the redneck said "Ya know somthin'. I hear you lawyers wear designer socks. I don't believe it, but I hear tell it's true."
The lawyer couldn't resist showing off: "It's true! These are Armani socks I'm wearing!"
"I don't believe it!" said the redneck. "Prove it!"
The lawyer said: "It's written on the bottom of the socks! I'd have to take my shoes off to show you and I couldn't do that!"
"Then yer a liar! Show me!" said the redneck. "Take them fancy shoes off, unless yer too high and mighty!"
"Take my shoes off!!" The lawyer didn't like being called a liar. He reluctantly stepped out of his Gucci shoes and tried to lift his foot for the redneck to see the logo. "LOOK!" he said.
"I can't see. You're gonna have to take off yer socks and show me. Maybe you're not really such a hotshot lawyer. I'll hold them shoes fer ya!"
The lawyer groaned, handed his Gucci loafers to the redneck and pulled off his socks. He then showed the Armani logo to the redneck. "I can't see it" said the redneck and took the socks from the lawyer. "OH YEAH! Sorry, buddy."
The lawyer reached for his socks, but the redneck held on to them. "Ya know, maybe I'd better hold on to these, and these shoes too" he said, stuffing the socks into the shoes.
The lawyer splutteerd with outrage. "But those aer MY shoes and socks! I can't stand here barefoot! Do I LOOK like someone who would walk around barefoot? That's fine for hicks, but not for a professional like ME! These are $500 shoes! Give them back!" But as he reached for them, he was already too unsteady on his feet from the white lighnin'.
The lawyer started to plead, pointing at his feet. "I..I can't drive without my shoes! I have an important meeting to go to!"
"Then maybe we can discuss this accident here..." said the redneck. "You ain't gettin' these fancy shoes and socks back until we do."
"NO!" shouted the lawyer, and without thinking, he took another swig of whiskey. Then another. then another. The redneck then added insult to injury: "I always wanted to wear shoes like these", and he pulled on the lawyer's socks and shoes.
"NO! PLEASE!" cried the lawyer in a slurred voice, "Those are my shoes!"
A few sips later: the redneck said: "Why don't you take off that fancy tie? And the suit? You look kind of funny standing there barefoot in a suit! I got another pair of overalls you can wear while we figger out what to do about this situation!"
The lawyer tried to give him an arrogant look, but he was feeling the heat of the sun and the liquor. He tried to resist, but...
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